reverence

I've always been drawn to Winnicott's writings. Winnicott observed that children who were neglected or smothered, who experienced either too much intrusion or too little, tended to retreat into their intellectual or cognitive minds to cope with overwhelm. Consequently, these children were not allowed space to sit with themselves. They lacked free space for introspection or self-exploration. Their lives were predominantly confined to their minds, where thoughts became their whole reality. An absent or intrusive parent often sets up a pattern of self-abandonment, making it difficult for the child to rest in their body; instead, they learn to intellectualise their experiences and lives. The absence of space to explore the unknown often leads to a future life characterised by emptiness and a relentless pursuit of something external to fill the inner void.

Traditional psychology focuses on finding a cure or an escape from emptiness, loneliness, and the perpetual need for fulfilment. I've found that embracing and moving towards these feelings, rather than trying to fix or change them, can make a significant difference for some individuals. Complex trauma may require years before it feels safe enough to reconnect with the body. The hold on traumatic experiences can be so strong that remaining within the confines of the mind feels safer. Despite the immense suffering, the known and familiar, albeit cloaked in trauma, is perceived as safer than stepping into the unknown. Whether someone remains cloaked within their trauma or ventures into the unknown, both paths require immense courage.

I've had the privilege of sitting with individuals who have endured unimaginable atrocities. In such cases, no amount of strategies or case conceptualisations can erase the trauma. However, I've observed that safely and gradually expanding beyond the confines of trauma allows individuals to develop greater resilience. While some of this process is supported by scientific research and theory, there's also an element of mystery. It unfolds in its own time and is unique to each individual. Yet, I can attest that safety, attunement, care, and spaciousness are crucial to this alchemical process.

I've witnessed humans navigate through the most challenging adversities, undergo a profound shift in their worldview, and transform the lens of their reality. Their capacity, courage, faith, and resilience never fail to move me deeply. Working in this field exposes me to the polarity of life — from tragic destruction to miraculous moments. It is an excruciating privilege to be alive. I am in reverence to navigating the complexity of this human existence.